Friends

         Something that I have been really content with recently, that I don’t think I have ever been content with before, is my friends. Im not saying that I have ever had bad friends, but more recently I have noticed that I am genuinely (haha shoutout HB) happy with. My friends have just been extremely supportive and are there to get me to have a good time. I can rely on them when I need them and we don’t get into those petty high school arguments about stuff. I know that if I’m ever upset I can call them at any hour of the day and they will stay with me or on the phone with me until they know that I am ohkay. That makes me feel reassured and comfortable at this point in my life. I wouldn’t trade them for the world and I would take a bullet for them any day.

“We don’t have to be ordinary, make your best mistakes,

Cause we don’t have the time to be sorry,

So baby be the life of the party,

Im telling you to take your shot it might be scary,

Hearts are gonna break, cause we don’t have the time to be sorry,

So baby be the life of the party.”

“Life of the party” by Shawn Mendes

A New Confidence

       Today I faced one of my biggest fears. I talked to 2 eighth grade, 2 seventh grade, and 2 sixth grade classes about the issues that I have had to face ever since 7^th grade. I was so nervous, I was shaking when I was about to begin talking to them. However, once I started talking, it surprisingly became really easy to talk to all these people. Which is weird, I never thought that this would be even remotely close to being easy to talk about with people for me. I think it’s because I’ve always tried so hard to hide all these issues and so now, when I finally had the chance to help others and get the word out there, it all just spilled out of me. And it went really well!!!

       I talked to them about my experiences, choosing positive people to surround yourself with, focusing on their dislikes rather than their likes, and even the importance of setting goals. So it was kind of ironic talking about this stuff because today I achieved one of MY goals that I had been setting out to achieve for a little while now. I have a new set of confidence today that I didn’t have yesterday or before this experience. I met some amazing people, all of which I wish I could give a big hug and tell them that it will be ohkay. They were all amazing and inspiring people and I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything in the world. I’m blessed beyond what words can express (:

“Run run lost boy, they say to me,

Away from all of reality,

Neverland is home to lost boys like me,

And lost boys like me are free.”

“Lost Boy” by Ruth B

Hold On

            I’ve loved singing and acting since before I could even speak. It’s always been something that I could go to if I was upset and just pour my heart into it.  Music and acting and even telling my story are most important to me because even after I die, I want people to remember me. I don’t just want to live for nothing, I want to do something people will remember, or something that can really help or touch someone. I believe through getting this story out there and singing and acting, I can make something that people will remember.

            So when everything I was going through just became too much for me, I turned more and more to music and acting and while I was putting everything around me into these songs, I began to have so many songs that I didn’t know what to do with. So then, I decided to write songs about everything as I went through it and now looking back on my songs and my difficulties, I began to merge a past and present lyric I wrote together and that’s how I came up with this song, “Hold On.” That’s why this song means so much to me. I wrote it at different points in my life and I think it’s a good way to catch someone’s attention that might be going through the same thing. So I hope you guys enjoy it! (:

“Someday You’ll win this battle, but only if you find your way,

Release your fears and just fight it,

Because in the end you know that you’re worth it,

So just hold on, for me.”

click here to hear my song "Hold On"

“Hold on” by Leah Hanley

What's to come

            I’m a lot happier then I have ever been recently. I’m finally happy with my friends and a lot of stuff is falling into place for me. I get a huge opportunity to go talk to 8^th , 7^th, and 6^th graders about facing hardships and how to deal with all these pressures going on at our middle school. I’m a little nervous about doing it though, because I don’t want them to feel like they are being lectured, I want them to feel like I’m a friend trying to talk to them because in high school your always being lectured and told what to do and what not to do and if it sounds more like a friend talking to them, then it’s more likely they will listen and grasp this extremely difficult topic.

             As well as talking with the middle schoolers, I am going to be on a discussion panel with some amazing and inspiring people on March 2^nd. It’s part of an organization called Peyton’s Foundation and it hits really close to home and I feel myself getting closer and closer to Peyton every day as I read more about her as well as working on all these upcoming projects. Im nervous getting up there and answering questions because I don’t want to answer wrong. I know things only based on my experience because everyone’s experience with these problems is different. So I just have to be truthful and hope that somehow it helps someone. If I can help one person, I will have accomplished my goal.

            It’s weird, this blog is starting to grow on me. I wasn’t that fond of the idea of putting my feelings and problems on the internet, but it’s become something that I go to when I feel the need to talk about things. It has really helped me lately. It’s made me feel responsible for my actions and think before I do anything. So yeah, I guess I am happy I made this blog (:

“And I got that red lip classic thing that you like

And when we go crashing down we come back every time,

Cause we never go out of style,

We never go out of style.”

“Style” by Taylor Swift

Sharing

            I have been working a lot lately to try and talk to other people and peers about issues like mine and how to prevent/help those people, but I don’t think I have really wrapped my head around what I’m doing until now and I’m not going to lie, it scares me. I’m sharing information that I once tried so hard to keep a secret. So revealing all these emotions I feel/felt and things that I have done is going to be hard; I know it will. But as I go over it more and more in my head, I’m realizing that everyone is scared of something. I’m scared of this right now, but if I push past this uncomfortable part and begin to open myself up, I can conquer a fear. Even though I’m scared right now, it reassures me that I will be helping someone else too. And that’s all that matters to me. I hope to touch just one person in my life and with that, I would be complete.

            I’m going to be talking at a pretty big convention here soon and I’m nervous but excited. I finally get my voice heard. Awareness will be raised for mental illness and it makes me feel so great knowing that people are going to get help and that me and everyone else are helping those people in the audience. My goal is to touch that one person that is thinking about doing bad things later or someone who has a friend that is going through a lot. I want to touch the person who got dragged to this thing by their mom. One person. One life. And while I’m scared to be doing this, I’m also really excited to see what’s to come and to become closer with all these incredible people.

“They tell us from the time we’re young

to hide the things that we don’t like about ourselves, inside ourselves

I know I’m not the only one,

who spend so long attempting to be someone else, well I’m over it

I don’t care if the world knows what my secrets are”

“Secrets” Mary Lambert

WE are society

       Today I was thinking a lot about how society has made this topic of cutting and depression and anything people go through are such a bad things to talk about. At least, I know I have always thought that sharing what your feeling is a bad thing. To not cry, to not show weakness, to be independent. But why? Why is this stuff frowned upon to talk about? Sometimes we have to question ourselves. And as I thought about it a little more I realized that we are blaming society for so many things. I mean yes, society has a huge part in what you should/shouldn’t talk about, how to dress, who to look up to, ect. but WE are society. We blame society, but we are society. So it made me think, that since I am part of society, maybe I can start this way of talking about what people are going through and get the talking and thinking going. If we want to start conversation, we have to do it ourselves.

“People help the people,

if your homesick give me your hand and I’ll hold it,

people help the people,

and nothing will drag you down,

oh and if I had a brain.”

"People help the people" Birdy