Growing Relationship

               This week has been a very hard week for me mentally and physically. About a month ago I started the drug Accutane in hopes that my chest would feel better and hopefully increase the time between flare ups. Unfortunatley, Accutane has been very hard on me. I have lost my appetite and my stomach and head constantly hurt. However, somehow I find the strength in me no matter how hard it gets to just keep fighting it. I'm not really sure how though. I know in my mind that I'm done with it and I feel like I have lost all control over myself, but somehow I get up everyday and I get through it. This past saturday, I got the biggest infection I have ever gotten since I first found out I had the disease. I ended up having to go to the hospital on Halloween to get some medicine to try and fight back. In total I am taking 11 pills a day which is making me even more sick and exhausted. 

               Its a really sucky experience and it's a really sucky thing to have to deal with, but at the same time I find it kind of interesting. Like I said, even though I am in a ton of pain and most of the time don't feel like getting up from bed because I feel sick and tired, I find strength. I don't know where that strength comes from but I am almost convinced that God is giving me it. I could look at this situation and be mad that He is making me going through this and that it's not fair, but it's life. And He has a plan for me. I mentioned in my last post that I am trying to build a relationship with God and I feel like this is a test for me. Do I get mad and give up, or do I realize that it's Him helping me be stronger and make our relationship stronger? I would never say that I am thankful that I have this disease, but it does make me feel better to know that I am not in it alone and that God knows what he is doing and I trust that. Not to mention the people on my floor are constantly loving and supporting me through it and I can't thank them enough. 

"I see your monsters, I see your pain,

I see your problems, I'll chase them away,

I'll be your lighthouse, I'll make it okay,

When I see your monsters I'll stand their so brave ,

And chase them all away."

"Monsters" By Timeflies