The Best Guardian Angel

               This week has, without a doubt, been the worst week of my life. The most amazing person passed away do to an awful illness. She was my go to girl. My Facebook friend (I made her get that one). My grandma. My best friend. The list goes on. She was and is everything to me. She was the most amazing person I've ever met. I admire her non stop caring of others, her humor and sass, her endless memories she has given me, and her message at the end of her time. Even while she was sick, she asked about how everyone else was doing. She never admitted that she felt like shit. It didn't matter to her. And man does that right there say something about her. Her humor and sass has always been something me and her have always shared. We are kind of the same person really. I see myself a lot in my grandma and I think that's what made us so close. Even when no one laughed at my joke or her joke, somehow it was funny to us and we could just look at each other and laugh. I love my grandma so much. I called her almost everyday and I have no shame in that. That was actually the highlights of my days. I could talk to my grandma about absolutely nothing for hours. And when I say "nothing" I mean either literally nothing or because she brought up a lot of the same questions which I always poked fun at her for.

           There was this one time I had a speech tournament and I got first in it. I was SO excited and all I wanted to do was to come home and tell my grandparents. So I called them right when I got home and my grandpa answered. He said, "Hey kiddo! How was the speech tournament?" and I happily told him, "I got first!!!" He responded with a "great job!" and proceeded to quickly get me off the phone. Which is a pretty normal thing for my grandpa. He never stays on the phone long. I actually timed him one time to see how long I could keep him on the phone.... but thats a whole different story. Anyway he told "okay well I will let you tell grandma." and in the background all you hear is *whispered "she got first* and my grandma, huffs and goes "BOB" as her normal sassy self. That was something she was always known for in our house. That nasally bob. Once you heard it, you knew he was gonna get it. But my grandpa always being a gentlemen, went along with it. But she gets on the phone and goes "Hey! How did the speech tournament go?" and I didn't lie, I just said "grandma...I heard grandpa." And we both laughed for awhile. That memory really sticks out for me. I think it says a lot about her. Her sass, her humor, her relationship with my grandpa, putting others before herself. That was just her nature.

        Along with the endless shopping addiction and obsession with mary kay makeup, she somehow loved technology. Both my grandma and grandpa do. Even more than technology, they love buttons. With a Facebook, that I made her get, and a camera, there were enough buttons that she didn't know what to do with. But the problem was, she didn't know how to work either of them.  She always carried around her camera and when she did, she either pressed the wrong button, accidentally deleted a photo, or couldn't figure out how to turn it on. Either way, the photos never really turned out but she loved that thing and took it everywhere. As for Facebook I don't think that lasted long because her last post AND ONLY post was in 2012 and it said "My granddaughter made me get a Facebook ." She called me many times to figure out how to work that dang thing and I think after a while she just gave up. So I guess that one didn't last long. Not only did she loved technology buttons but she loved actual buttons. Many people probably don't know this but my grandma has a weird collection of buttons. I don't know if she just wants backups or she just likes how pretty they are but she has anywhere from a plain black button to a huge giraffe button. She has a huge tin full of them and I sorted through them all the time when I was little. That's what I did at grandma and grandpas house. I sorted buttons and played dominos and solitaire. And ate cookies, but that's a grandparents house for you. 

          I could go on and on to you about the memories my grandma and I and my family have made like her endless supply of ugly christmas sweaters or the sneaky one who fed my dog food from under the table. No wonder my dog loved my grandma so much. She gained ten pounds just coming home from their house for a week. but I think my favorite memories are when we just did the girly things. Anyone who knows my grandma knows she loves being put together. So I constantly taught her makeup tricks or painted her nails. I painted her nails almost every time I saw her and one of the last times I saw her she wanted her nails purple. Which she never gets purple so I questioned it. I asked her "why purple?" and she said "you gotta live right?" and that was that humor that I love. Painting our nails was just something we always did and after she always told people to "look at her nails." Especially that last time. I really think purple was her color. And secretly, I think she did too. But I'm going to leave this with one last memory that I feel like is important to share. I believe it's something she really believed in and really wanted me to get out of her time here. I did her makeup one day when I was about 13 and at that time I sucked at it so I was just happy someone said yes to letting me do their makeup. So I went to apply eyeshadow and I had trouble because her eyelids were so wrinkly and so I, being my straight forward self, jokingly asked her, "how do you do your eye shadow? Your eyelids are so wrinkly." and we laughed for a second and then she got serious and said "you just make do with what you got." And I truly believe that is what she lived by. No matter what the circumstances. She really taught me everything I need to know in life. She taught me that sometimes you fight battles that you are going to loose. That doesn't mean you quit trying though. And if you take anything out of this whole thing, take away something that maybe I didn't quite understand at 13 while doing my grandmas makeup, but that whatever state you are in or whatever problem your facing, it all soon will be okay. Because like my grandma, or I should say my best friend, says "You make do with what you got."

"It's a wonder you don't know, how wonderful you are,

so maybe I should show you now,

that you've got a halo, you've got a halo,

you've got a halo, that maybe you don't know."

"Halo" by Lewis Watson

Just One Big Story

              Thoughts have been constantly running through my mind lately. This past week hasn't been too good of a week for me. I've realized that life is just one big book. There is always a meaning behind a book and why it's a story. But for me, I am still trying to figure that out. I honestly don't think I will ever find it out. I mean isn't it true that you need an ending before you can find the whole purpose of that story? During this whole story you have these ups and downs that are brought upon the characters because what's life without a challenge? It's like these sudden plot twists. Somehow you need to be able to live the good times and get through the bad times or else you won't know the difference. So sure, things may be a little hard right now, but without those hard moments, you won't have those good moments. 
             A story is a permanent thing. It's made to be told and passed on. The things within it or the people within that story, aren't made to stay in every single story. The people in life are temporary because eventually they have to go to a better place or help someone else. Sure some people are in you're story longer than others. Some people could take up a paragraph of your story, or take up a chapter, and maybe some are just little scribbles on the side, but the best part is when you find those people that become a Title of a story within your story. It's like they're their own little book that you get to hold on to forever. And it's the best feeling to have. You've gotten the chance to hold on to someone else's story and pass it on. And the most amazing part is, you can figure out what their purpose is to YOU. Their theme that they want you to get out of their story.
           A story that I will always hold on to is my grandma. She gets her own chapter in my book and will always be more than just a scribble or more than just a paragraph. She's taught me everything I need to know in life. How to love somebody. How to be rich or how to be poor. How to know what's on someone else's mind just by looking at them. How to live like you are dying. She's taught me everything worth knowing. She has always been a strong believer in what happens, happens for a reason. And although things get really tough sometimes or people you were so close to suddenly are gone, knowing why they came into your life is important. They either influence something else to happen or are there for you when something else IS happening. 
            You're life is a story and you control everything and everyone in it. YOU have the pen in your hand. Life doesn't give you an eraser so use the pen wisely. And remember..... everything happens for a reason.


"And if you have a minute why don't we go,

Talk about it somewhere only we know,

This could be the end of everything,

So why don't we go, somewhere on we know?"


"Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane

Week 4 of college

         I am now in week 4 of the college experience and let me tell you.... shit why didn't I believe everyone when they said it was hard??? hahahahaha. everytime someone told me it was hard or that you have to do a lot of studying, I just kind of shrugged it off. Now I wouldn't say college is necessarily "hard" it is just very time consuming. I have around 9 hours of homework/studying a day and it is pretty tiring. However, I try to work really hard during the week so that friday and saturday I have free time to do what I want to do. One thing that makes the work not as bad though is the fact that I really enjoy my classes for the most part. My professors are extremely nice and actually have some pretty good humor and so it makes it a little easier to work with. As for the classes that I am not very fond of, like my educational technology class, I realize that I will need it in the future so it gives me some sort of motivation. It's not like high school where a lot of things you won't use again. 

         My college experience though hasn't been all work. I have done a lot of fun things while I am here as well. I visited a store called Vons that is actually really cool. It's a store with 3 parts to it. One part is a comic book/incents side and has some really cool henna materials. My floor did a henna night so I got some henna from there to use (: The second part is a jewelry and clothes part. And then the third part is ALL books. There are books everywhere!!!! There are so many books that they spill in the aisles and you can barley walk. So that's crazy and it was really fun to go and see. 

       Another thing that I have been doing is my floor did a Disney Murder Mystery night to wear we all dress up like disney characters and then figure out who killed the person who "died," all while jamming to disney music. I dressed up as Queen Elsa! So that was pretty cool and my floor is amazing. As well as that night, the whole week before we had a door decorating contest. Me and another girl came up with the idea on my floor so that we could make our hallway more decorative. So our hallway is an "Around the World" them so I drew out of a cup each persons country for their door and they had to decorate it based on their country. Me and my roommate got Saudi Arabia and then the night of the Murder Mystery we picked a winner. We didn't win but our whole floor really bonded that week working on our doors out in the hallway.

          This past weekend was probably the most fun weekend I have had so far. On friday, there was a free concert going on at the Elliott Hall of Music and Parachute came and played. I met some new friends and had a lot of fun listening to live music and dancing. Then on Saturday was the first Purdue home football game and our whole floor was going to it together. IT WAS SO FUN. I learned all about the different chants and enjoyed some really fun football. There is this thing where people jingle their keys at every kickoff and the people who don't have keys have to take off their shoes and jingle them and so I didn't have keys with me so I had to do that. hahaha i thought it was hilarious. But that was extremely fun and we all got starbucks after and sang hannah montana karaoke. 

        Today is my birthday so my family is coming up to take me out to dinner tonight. I woke up this morning to a lot of texts that made me very happy, and most importantly, I woke up to streamers all around my bed and basically everywhere in my room. My roommate had decorated my whole room. I am SOOOO blessed to have such an amazing roommate and I love her so much. She even got me a Purdue t-shirt for my birthday. She is seriously the best. I also woke up to be informed that I got the first "resident of the month" award for my floor. That was super neat! I guess you can say my birthday is going pretty damn well.

          There has been a lot of endless nights filled with TONS of homework but also some really fun and adventurous times with some pretty amazing people. I am very blessed and pleased with my life right now and I wouldn't wan to change any of it. (:

"And thought the road is long, i look up to the sky,

and in the dark I find, I lost hope that I won't fly,

And I sing along, I sing a long."

"Flashlight" by Jessie J