Note to self in the future

            Right now there are so many things I wish to change about myself or hope changes in the future. I know things will change, and I’m scared. But then again, if someone told me 10 years from now that nothing changed; I wouldn’t be happy. I hope someday when I’m older that I’ll have kids that can talk to me about everything that they go through. That when everyone else in their life leaves, I will always be there for them. Like a best friend. I hope to be married to the love of my life and never grow out of it. I hope that every time I see him, I get butterflies in my stomach like the first time I met him. I wanna feel like I can take on the world with him. I know that whatever I will do in the future, I will want more and more and more until I’m so burnt out that I can barley hold on anymore; but I hope that I can sit back and realize that everything I’ve ever wanted is right in front of me. That whatever my profession or whatever my situation, I can find that glimmer of hope or happiness in any situation. Most importantly, some day I never want to worry about the way I look or what other people think of me, cuz right now, that’s all I think about. I want to be able to look into the mirror one day and be able to say, and most importantly believe, that I am beautiful. To not have this vision in my head of how I should look or how things are supposed to be. I want to be able to turn to other things when I am mad, using my hands for good instead of evil. To walk with a smile and a laugh that shows true happiness. I hope society will have stopped putting images in little kids minds on how to hold in their feelings and become what SOCIETY thinks is acceptable. I want to love myself as equally as I love everyone else.  I hope one day I won’t care to show my weakness in front of people. When I feel like crying, I will cry. Instead of clenching my teeth and holding it in. Hopefully one day, I can read this and remember what I went through but be able to say “but I made it” and that “I am enough.” I want this life that I’m living now to just be part of my story. Part of a journey.

"Give me one good reason why I should never make a change,

Baby if you hold me then all of this will go away."

"Budapest" by George Ezra