My Experience at the Mayo Clinic

                   Boy  Boy was this week a long week. Monday morning, my mom and I headed up to Rochester, Minnesota on a quest to figure out what to else to do for my chest (which you can see what's wrong in my last post). So it took about 8 and 1/2 hours to get there and if you don't know Rochester, it's a very old town. So when we drove in, I could NOT stop laughing because there water tower is a giant corn and all the hotels were just very old to say the least. But it worked and we lived. hahahaha. However, Rochester does have a diverse and amazing restaurants up there. During our whole trip I got to eat Indian and Mediterranean food and it was killer. 

Anyway, Tuesday morning was my first appointment with a dermatologist who knew a lot. I felt very informed after that visit. She confirmed with me that I do have Hiddradenitis Suppurativa because that disease isn't just something that you can swab and it comes back and says I have that; the symptoms are what you look at to see that you have it. So she confirmed I had it and then told me that my sweat glands just always get infected because of the disease and it could be because of how weak my immune system is. She compared the disease to acne inside my sweat glands, just a bigger type of acne. It has a lot of sores and infection and lumps in it that my body can't get rid of. So then the question came up, "what's are next step?"     

         Obviously I always have to watch being around sick people (I even got a mask!!) and making sure I covering any open cuts with bandages, but for my chest they had a couple options. A big surgery was not an option because of the way I heal and laser treatment wasn't either because of how long it takes and it basically just burns your skin. So they decided to do two things. One, they want to put me on a birth control because hormones with this disease is a bad combination because I am still becoming a woman so my hormones aren't regular which makes me get flare ups all the time. So putting me on birth control will regulate my hormones. The second thing that they are going to do, which is kind of the scariest thing for me is put me on a drug called Acutane. Acutane will completely shut down my sweat gland system and my oil production so that there is no way I can get really any flare ups or infection down there. But there becomes side effects with that. All of my skin will become extremely dry since I can't produce oil. So my face and arms and lips will constantly be extremely dry so I will have to be special skin care and chapstick for myself while I am on it. My diet also has to be pretty good because it raises your cholesterol levels and blood sugar while you're on it so I don't want to add more to that. They said once I get off it though, my levels should go back to normal. It also increases mental health problems so that is kind of scary but I am doing good and right now I think that I can do anything. I have amazing friends to go to and if it starts acting up, there are ways to stop it. If anything becomes to serious, they can take me off it and we can find a different treatment plan I guess. I will be on these two medicines for a year and while I am on it, I will have to go and have monthly blood drawn to make sure everything is good and that I am not pregnet. So that will also kind of be a hassle in college but I'm not complaining. They helped me and that's what I asked for.  I'm just a little leary of Acutane but I will be okay. I also can't drink more than a cup a day of alcohol while I'm on it and I'm gonna be honest, I'm going to college and it could happen but I just can't have more than a glass if any. So that is kind of scary as well. Then next year in July I will come back to Mayo and they will check me out and if everything is ok at that time, I will set up an appointment for that upcoming winter break to have cosmetic surgery on my scar which would be awesome!!

       Tuesday afternoon, I got to go up to Cannon Falls, Minnesota which was about 45 minutes away and I got to see my Aunt Kristi that I was very happy to see because I hadn't seen her in a while. It was awesome to see her and we went to a gorgeous little town and had a really good dinner. Wednesday morning, I got to go to educational classes in the morning that can help me while I go through the medicine and the treatment. I went to an eating healthy class which was pretty cool and I learned that I know I am going to college and they don't really have the best food to choose from but if half my plate is healthy, then I am doing good. The other class I went to was how to handle stress. Stress has a hugeeee part in my disease and I am almost always stressed so it was cool to see other ways I can handle it and the lady was awesome. 

         Wednesday afternoon, I had my last appointment which was with a surgeon and I didn't really think that he would do anything but when we got in there, he talked a little more about my medicine and some details with the cosmetic surgery but he also found a spot at the lower end of my chest that was full of infection. So they sat me on a table and and I looked away and they numbed me all up and cut out a portion of my chest. It was kind of gross cause I could hear the tools and the snipping and stuff but they got it out and drained all the fluid out of my chest and I was good to go within an hour. They didn't stitch it up because they wanted the rest to drain and heal from the inside out. So I have bandages covering my chest right now and it's pretty painful but it will get better (: I was just so happy when they numbed me up because that's really the only time I don't feel pain in that area!! So they let me go and I was free to leave. Then me and my mom decided to get some driving out of the way that night so we drove 3 hours to Madison, Wisconsin and stayed there which is always a fun place to stay! We ate at another awesome restaurant called the Old Fashioned. I definatley recommend it if you're ever in Madison! I just got back home today at around 5:30 and I am exhausted and am going to take some IbProfen to help with the pain! Thank you for anyone who has stayed by my side during this whole journey! You guys rock!!!

"Let's marvin gaye and get it on,

You got that healing that I want,

Just like they say it in the song,

Until the dawn, let's marvin gaye and get it on.

"Marvin Gaye" by Charlie Puth and Meghan Trainor

5 years ago today my life changed

           Time really does fly let me tell you. 5 years ago today, my life changed in an unexpected way for good and bad. I was up in Wisconsin the summer of my soon-to-be 8th grade year when I found something on my chest that was very sore and looked like a pimple. I didn't think much of it until I was throwing around a softball with my dad and it popped. The moment I came home from vacation we went in to see my family doctor. Right when he saw it, he swabbed it for MRSA. It thankfully turned out negative, but I was in for a long year ahead of me. 

      My 8th grade year and half of my freshman year consisted of trying to find out what this thing was. I went to a wound care specialist after it duplicated, staying with her till the middle of my freshman year. She didn't really know what it was but just kept trying different treatments to see if we could get it to go away. I went through many silver nitrate treatments (which is basically where they burn your skin into a whole so you can grow back new, uninfected tissue) and two painful surgeries that consisted in 36 stitches right along my sternum. All the while, I was playing travel softball with this thing that felt like someone stabbing me every single day in the chest. Eventually, come freshman year, I was told I could not play softball anymore because it was getting worse and it hurt too much to play. I was a pitcher and I loved softball more than anything but I had to quite to better myself. Also during this year and a half, I traveled to 8 different doctors still trying to figure it out. 

        Finally, come sophomore year, I found a dermatologist and he diagnosed me with Hidradenitis Suppurativa. Basically what that is is where my sweat glands get infected at any given moment. It is usually at its worst when I sweat a lot or i'm really stressed out. Weirdly enough, the only sweat gland that acts up for me is on my sternum which is an odd location for this disease. It is more commonly found under your arms or in your groin area. However, my doctor has said that as I grow older, it can pop up in those areas. Along with HS, I am Keloid, which means that when I get a scar, it becomes very raised. So the typical response for when patient's sweat glands become infected is to go in surgically and drain that fluid, but doctors have to be very careful with cutting me open because of the way I scar; so I can't be cut open unless it is very serious. Lastly, my immune system is very weak compared to a normal person so infections are like a second nature to me and I constantly get them. If I got a scratch, I could get them. So I have to be very very careful if I get an open wound or if I'm around someone sick.

        So when they told me that I had these two things my first reaction was, "okay, how do we cure it and make it go away." That was the tough part. There is no cure. That hit me like a ton of bricks and I knew I would be in for a rude awakening. So we can't cure it, but we are working on finding a treatment that works for me. It still acts up to this day and I am constantly on antibiotics and getting shots. It is july right now and just this year I have been put on 8 antibiotics. As for shots, I go in almost every month and I have gotten as little as 3 and as many as 236. It all depends on how bad it is when I go in. Treatments have kind of stopped working for me right now because my body has gotten so used to them so I am happy to say that I got accepted for an appointment at the Mayo Clinic up in Rochester, Minnesota and I leave on Monday. I am absolutely terrified, but I know that it is for my best. 

        And yes, these treatments suck and I hate doing them, but everyone goes through something and life and it's just something I have to deal with. I'm strong and I can make it through. The bright side to my disease is that I know many more things about medicine and about myself then I did before. I know how much pain I can take and when I need help. Yes, I had to quit a sport that I absolutely loved, but it let me focus on my acting and singing way more and for that I am thankful. So take my advice and if you're dealing with something, always look to the bright side of things. There is ALWAYS a bright side. And remember that you are strong enough to get through anything that is thrown at you. You can do it!!!

"They say we're a freak when we're having fun,

Say you must be high when you're spreading love,

But we're just living life and we never stop,

Cause we got the world."

"We Got The World" by Icona Pop

      

      

Here's To A New Beginning

        Since I'm done with high school now and moving on to college, I think it would make sense to write about that transition. That transition is probably one of the biggest and maybe the most difficult one you have. In high school, you are told what to do at every given time, you live at home, many have a bed time as to when they have to go to bed, you have a plan that works around your schedule as to when you will study, ect. You have a daily routine that you have been used to since basically preschool; and now, you're moving up and going to college where there is no routine made and you have to make it yourself.

       I have to admit, I am a little nervous about going to college for those reasons. I really want to do well and my anxiety is through the roof with how I will study and things. I know that I will be fine once I get there, it's just the waiting part that's hard right now. 

       A couple weeks ago I finally got my roommate which I was FREAKING OUT about because it was at random and I really wanted a good connection with this person. So I got a text from her the day it was released and I have to say, I am really happy with it. She seems super nice and sweet and we have a good connection already. I haven't met her yet, but I can definatley tell that it is off to a good start and we will be spending a lot of time together which I am VERY excited about. 

      I'm really looking forward to this year and I want to start off on a good start. And I am extremely ready for that new beginning. I want to let my past behind, especially with the problems I have faced, and just start fresh. One thing that I absolutely love doing is writing in a new journal. That first page where it's just a new start and that's exactly what I will be doing come August 17th. So may college bring new friends, crazy adventures, academic achievements, opportunities, and making a change. 

"This is my fight song, take back my life song,

prove i'm alright song, my powers turned on,

starting right now I'll be strong, I'll play my fight song,

And I don't really care if nobody else believes,

Cause I still got a lot of fight left in me."

"Fight Song" by Rachel Platten

Indiana or California???

         My family and I have never stayed in one place for too long. I was born in Winona, Minnesota till I was two and then moved to some apartments in California of for about two years and then moved to a house in Fresno, California till I was 12 and now currently in Noblesville, Indiana. I don't remember too much about Minnesota obviously, but California and Indiana I remember very well. And I love them both pretty equally, both with good things and bad things. However, California would be more of a place for me to live because of my personality rather than Indiana. 

         The difference in weather is huge between Indiana and California. That is probably the biggest difference. In Indiana, it's very humid and sticky in the summer and in the winter there is a bunch of snow and can get below 0 obviously. In California, the sun is usually always shining and when it is, it's just sun, no humidity or rain. They don't really have a big winter. Winter usually is december-february and consists of rain, nothing else and it rarely gets below 30 at the least. Everyone in California would be super excited when it rained because we barley had any. Same with if it was any where below 65 degrees, we would wear sweatshirts because we thought was freezing. However, all year round the air is AWFUL. It is sooo bad down there. I remember going to school and they would have flags by the entrance that was green, yellow, and red. If it was green, you can go outside, if it was yellow it was precaution, and at red you can't go outside. So the whole town basically looked at that and for school we looked at it for recess. Moving to Indiana, I was unsure of the snow because I never really had experience with it. If we wanted to, we were able to drive about two hours to find snow in California so that was always cool. I went to Shaver Lake and Lake Tahoe plenty of times to see snow for about an hour and then leave to go back home where it was about 50 degrees.

         Another difference between the two would be the nature of the states and attitude of the people. In California, one of my favorite things was the scenery of everywhere you went. In A LOT of parts it was very dry and I remember having field fires just from someone throwing a cigarette butt out the window. However, if you looked off in the distance you could see a mountain view which was gorgeous compared to Indiana where EVERYTHING is flat and everything is surrounded by cornfields (which does make Halloween a ton better though). But like I said earlier, from where I lived, it only took about two hours to get to the mountains and have snow. But I can say, Indiana has a good location in the United States though. You can get to almost anywhere in the United States in less than 4 hours by plane which is very convenient. Both states have places that are world widely know like Indiana has the Indianapolis 500 which I can definatley say I have been and California has Coachella which IS LIKE THE NUMBER ONE THING ON MY BUCKET LIST!!!!!!! So both are pretty equal with things that go on inside the states. There are also no mosquitos in California where in Indiana there is. As with the people from both states, there is also a pretty big difference. In Indiana everyone is just very calm. They are helpful and I really haven't met too many people that I just don't like. In California, there are more people who are just stuck up and rude to you in grocery stores or walking in the streets. But that is that California attitude. It's also pretty common to hear someone say that they have lived by a famous person or met a famous person just because your obviously in the state of California. When I lived there, Britney Spears actually had a house and lived in Fresno the same time I did. I drove by the house one time but I never saw anyone but just knowing that that happened in my town was pretty cool.

        Lastly, one other thing about the two that are kind of different is the pronunciations of words and our schools. Not too much is different with our pronunciations or what we say, but there are a few I can point out. When saying carmel we put more emphasis on the MEL part so we would say car-MEL, when we say "governor" we actually say "governator" (don't ask why I just said it cuz I grew up with my parents saying it), etc. For the school systems were pretty similar except for the set up of the school. In Indiana, the school are inside and we go from 7:35 to 2:45. But in California, the schools went from 8:30-3:45 and it was outside. So the Classrooms were all inside but when you walk outside the classroom, you were outside. Which sucked when it rained but it rarely did so honestly I liked the California schools a lot better. Our lockers were outside under a canopy as well as our auditorium (we had one inside and outside) and then to get to the library or office you walked outside. For lunch, you could choose to sit inside or outside, it didn't matter. As with the ages in the schools, not too much was different either. Indiana it goes elementary: Preschool-4th, Intermediate: 5th and 6th, Middle school: 7th and 8th, Freshman Campus, and High school: 10th-12th. California we basically just got rid of the intermediate. So it went Elementary: Preschool-6th, Middle school: 7th and 8th, and High School: 9th-12th. 

      Writing this makes me miss California soooo much but I love Indiana probably equally. My friends here are my whole life and I can't wait to go to Purdue. So I would have to say that I wouldn't change the fact that we moved, I just miss it tons! I hope you guys enjoy this little compare and contrast (:

"There's too many things I haven't done yet,

Too many sunsets I haven't seen,

Can't waste the day wishing it'd slow down,

You would've thought by now I'd have learned something

I made up my mind when I was a young girl,

I've been given this one world and I won't worry it away."

"Many the Miles" Sara Bareilles

Beautiful

         Recently, I got a job working with little kids at a preschool and I absolutely love it there! It's a new adventure every day and it gives me so much happiness seeing these amazing kids every day. They have there moments but no matter how mad you get at them sometimes, you just love them because they can be so sweet. Today a worked and in the middle of it, a little boy comes up to me and says "Miss Leah, you are beautiful. I love you." I was shocked for a second. That kid said that to ME. I have never in my life thought of myself as beautiful. So I responded out of shock, "Why do you say that?" and he says, "because you are always smiling and laughing." Can we just take a second..... Not only did that little boy see something in me that I have never noticed before, but that's the FIRST thing he noticed. Guys now a days (with a few exceptions) are so into what people physically look like or what girls will do for guys that they don't notice things like that. So seeing this little boy think of someone in that way as "beautiful" just completely stunned me. We don't give kids credit enough for how much they observe and what their brains think of as a little kid and that to me is beautiful in itself. And it made my day that he said that. Honestly, saying one thing to someone can make there whole day and it makes me always want to keep smiling and laughing because if that can make someone happy or think that of me, then I will do that for the rest of my life.

         Not only did that happen, but it got me thinking of just kids in general. My two favorite things about kids are: one, they just say what's on there mind. Sure the truth can hurt sometimes, but they tell you what you think or what they want and you fix the problem right away. They don't hold it in like people do now and that's something that I wish I kept as a kid because even now I absolutely suck at talking about how I feel. So seeing a kid just saying it how it is, is amazing. And secondly, I love seeing kids the way they are because they don't know what goes on in this world. The worst thing someone could do to them is take there crayon or they could trip and fall. Adults, we see all this hatred and mess in the world. But they don't see it. And to know that they haven't seen that or experienced that is what keeps me going everyday because NO ONE should have to face some of the things people have. 

         The fun thing about kids is that they are always spontaneous. You never know what they will say or what will happen. Yes, they have a lot of needs, but when it comes down to it, all a child wants is to feel safe and nurtured and fearless. I remember when I was little that I always wanted to be held because that's where I felt safe. I wanted to be in my daddy's arms because I thought that he could protect me wherever I go. I would even have him check under my bed and in my closet every night before I went to sleep and have him stay in my room till I fell asleep. And all this worked for a while until you start experiencing things and then you find out that they can't protect you anymore and that you have to protect yourself. And you learn that as you grow older. 

        But just seeing these things around the classroom brings me back to all these childhood memories, good and bad, and it makes me realize things that I didn't when I was little. I love my job and that little boy that said that to me, meant more to me then he will ever know. 

"Oh simple thing where have you gone,

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on,

So tell me when you're gonna let me in,

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin."

"Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane

Advice about college decisions

         I was talking to my cousin the other night about colleges and career choices and the dreams you set as a kid. She is a sophomore in high school and she told me that she has been stressing about it like crazy. When she told me that I thought "why is she stressing about that? She is only a sophomore??" But that's the thing, we have put a huge pressure on high schoolers to know exactly what they want to be and what they want to do and who they are right when they graduate that it becomes so overwhelming. The thing is, we DO NOT have to know all those things right when we graduate. Learning is something we will be doing every day until we die and if we knew every single thing about ourselves, what's the point in living? I can tell you 100% that I learned SOOO many new things about myself this year that I wouldn't have learned if I didn't go through all the things that I did. We learn about ourselves in good times and in bad, in stressful and peaceful times. So why are we putting such a pressure on knowing where we want to go or do? We're still kids and we are still learning and that's reality. Also, when looking at college's sometimes people have been set on what they want to do for maybe there whole lives and then you get to where you have to make a decision and you start questioning yourself. As for me, I questioned myself about going to school for singing and acting and I became so pressured that I talked myself out of it. And while I will love teaching, it will always be something that I will regret. Lastly, another thing isn't just knowing what we want to do with our lives but with just going to college in general. Not going to college is so frowned upon right now. College is not for everyone and not everyone can afford it. You can still become successful and happy without going. 

           So my advice for anyone in this position would be to think about what will make you happy. What can you see yourself doing everyday? Go to college or don't go to college. It's your choice. But live life, have fun, make mistakes, take adventures, and be spontaneous. And if you have a dream, go for it. Because if you think about it, you have 50% people, who are going to decide against it and you have another 50% who are going to go for it. So you have already beat 50% of people. Build confidence in yourself and try as hard as you can and you can achieve anything. My favorite saying is "a bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch but on it's own wings. Always believe in yourself." 

"And though the road is long, I look up to the sky,

and in the dark I found, I lost hope that I won't fly

And I sing along, And I sing along, and I sing along."

"Flashlight" by Jessie J

Every blonde needs a brunette

              This post is an appreciation post because I think a lot of times, we take for granted the things that are right in front of us. I have this best friend, and she knows who she is, but this post is what I have learned from her. First of all, this girl is one of the kindest, most loving, hilarious, person I know. She is one of those people that when you first meet, you just know you will be best friends with the person. Not only because you have this immediate connection with that person, but because she makes you see something in yourself that you didn't see without that person. This girl has had the biggest influence in my life. She is a year younger and I feel like she knows wayyyyyy more things than I do.... which honestly she probably does. But she has been there for me more times than I count. i can't even imagine where I would be right now without her as my best friend. my sister. the brunette to my blonde. my beebs. the peanut butter to my jelly.... okay that was a little much. 

           But seriously, she has always been there for me even when I probably have given her countless mistakes to where she could drop my ass if she wanted to. But she doesn't and she is there for me even when we bicker 24/7 about stupid things like dropping/picking up guys to hang out. it always ends with a "sorry I'm on my period" or a silent stare from me for probably an hour because I'm moody. She has been through more crap in her 17 years than I have seen people who are 80. No matter what she has been through though, somehow she comes out of it. Somehow she pulls herself together. it's the most sad but amazing thing to watch. how someone could be so low in there life and then pull themselves out of that spot again and again. When she has every reason to be sad or upset, she chooses the alternative to be happy rather than sad. THAT'S what has kept me going. She is the strongest person I have truly ever met. The list of things I have learned from her is endless; simple or complex.

            She has taught me how to suck it up and get on with your life because you can't be sad all the time. Every day is a new beginning and you can choose being sad or happy. No one controls your emotions. She has shown me that sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself. Even if something embarrassing or bad happens to you, you can laugh it off because shit happens. She has taught me that whatever your dreams, crazy or realistic, shoot for them because if you don't, you have nothing else to live for. 

            She's even showed me the little, silly things like contouring your face makes you have more dimension or how to look in the mirror and spot something you like about yourself so you can take a good photo. She has shown me the right selfie camera angles to make yourself look good and how to cook an omelet. 

           Lastly, and most importantly, she has shown me wild adventures that I hope we have until we die. We have done the craziest shit imaginable and i even  look back now sometimes and wonder what the hell we were thinking. but it's us. and we do crazy things. if we didn't, we wouldn't be the same. This senior year has been crazy with her. We've been on a roller coaster that I hope we ride for the rest of our life. because without it, we wouldn't have learned the things we did and we get closer with every broken track we face. and this is the first time i can honestly say that I wouldn't have it any other way. Even though we probably are bat shit crazy to some people. it's us. 

          I have the confidence and determination that we will get through anything that life throws at us. because we have each other. and that's one thing that nobody can take away from us no matter how hard they try. as long as we remember that "it only goes up from here" and that "we are fighters and things will get brighter. I love you. Forever and always, "till death do us apart" 

"I've got needs, just like you, and if the conversations good

vibrations through and through, so come on baby won't you show some class,

why'd you have to move so fast,

we don't have to take our clothes off to have a good time."

"we don't have to take our clothes off" by Ella Eyre