Man has life just been crazy lately. After my Honduras trip, I had constant homework to do for the class so I never had much time to do much after work. However, this homework was a very good thing for me. I needed to reflect and process this amazing and heartbreaking trip that I went on. Being home, things have definitely changed. I see a lot more connections that I constantly am making in my mind. The things seen in Honduras are often times not talked about because of how heartbreaking it was. However, when I think back to my trip, I don't see that heartbreaking circumstances over the good things. The thing about Honduras is, no matter the circumstances you see there, it doesn't break the beauty and the courage of the country. I remember something that one of my friends said about Honduras. She told me that they hate being shown pity. This is one reason why when I look back at Honduras I don't look at those horrible situations some are in. It's something so different from America and it's hard coming back to see. A lot of things have been happening in my life right now that I have been dwelling on. I shouldn't be though. After seeing the things Hondurans go through daily, it shrinks my problems to zero. I need to be grateful of the place I live, that I have a job, that I have amazing friends who support me, and that there are worse things that others are dealing with. After thinking about this, I feel a thousand times better and carry no worries.
Since I have had about a month to reflect on my experience, I want to share some of the things that keep coming back to my mind even now as I teach and live every day life. One thing that I keep thinking about whenever I think about Honduras is the hard work, determination, and passion they have. Right away, when I went to Honduras, the first thing I noticed (and that I remember first) is Honduran eyes. You can tell so much by a person's eyes. The wrinkles around them, the gaze behind them. You can really see that they have story to tell. Yet, they are so full of life. You can tell just by looking at them that they are more determined then anyone I have ever seen. As for hard-working, that goes with determination. You bluntly see it. You see the types of jobs they do, the grueling work. I think back to America and welfare. Many, and not everyone, tend to say they need welfare (and maybe they do) but then when they do get a choice of a job that's hard work, they don't take it because we Americans are lazy. I can tell you I'm lazy. Hondurans will do anything for a job to provide for there family. I even asked a couple students of mine what education meant to them and many of them said "to find work to provide for my family." Lastly, the passion part. I saw most of that within the school systems. The students I taught just never gave up no matter how hard. They had a real passion for learning. All eyes were on me whenever I was teaching and whatever I was teaching. It was amazing. But I can tell you that they're passion for learning is because it isn't just given to them. They have to work for it. I can tell you right now that I didn't work for my education until now. In college. But the thing in Honduras is, most don't make it past 5th grade because that's all they can afford before they need to start making money for their family.
The hardest part of being back, is getting questions about Honduras and how it was. I love talking about it, but it's so extremley difficult for me to explain the things I saw and the things I witnessed. All I can ever reply is that "it was amazing." But the truth is, there are things you can't explain to someone who didn't experience it. It's also hard to hear people say "wow, you really made a difference in Honduras." No I didn't. Sure, I taught kids for 2 weeks. Yes, I provided food to the rural schools who have no funding. But to me, I didn't help out one bit. Honduras is still the same. There is still poverty. There are still people dying on the streets. There are still kids who don't have an education. I did nothing. Now, can it make a difference in my own life and the way I teach my own students? Yes. It already has.
The reason I wanted to go on this trip was overall experience, but more important then that, because I see people all over, America and Honduras, who are just surviving. They are just getting through the day. They are just finishing that assignment because they have to. There are people who are comfortable in their own lives. Well, I want to live. I want to experience the world around me, the different cultures and live with those cultures. I want to gain passion for that next assignment or lesson plan I'm doing. I don't want to just get through the day. My best friend once showed me a song called "Beautiful Things" by Gungor. At first, I just loved the song. I loved that me and her could share that song. But in Honduras, I really saw the song come to life. God really was making things up from the dust. God is making things in my own life out dust. And he is making beautiful things out of myself. And I'm honestly just so thankful right now for everyone in my life who has supported me and still supporting me now. I'm thankful for the experiences I'm living every day and the lessons God has been showing me. (:
"All this pain, I wonder if I'll ever find my way,
I wonder if my life could really change at all,
All this earth, could all that is lost ever be found,
Could a garden come up from the ground at all,
You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of the dust.
You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of us."
"Beautiful Things" By Gungor
