It's crazy to think that I've had this blog for 3 years now this past January. I haven't written much this year, sophomore year has been kicking my butt a little. My last post was about Fall Retreat this past October. I just wanted to give a quick little update on my life and what I have been learning lately.
This year, my disease and my knee have been seeming to give me some trouble. For my knee, I have been having many problems with it dislocating and being swollen and sore. Most days I am wearing a brace to keep it in place. After several doctor visits, I was informed that I have Patella Alta where my knee cap is higher and to the left more than it should be. I am in physical therapy now where they work my butt off and this summer I am have a pretty big surgery on it called a Tibial Tubercle Osteonomy. It's a pretty big recovery time and pretty painful as well so prayers are much needed. As for my disease, HS, I had a tunnel cut in my chest this past summer at the Mayo Clinic. I have been fine up until March where I had a huge infection all surrounding my armpit, coming to the size of a tennis ball. It was not fun and after some shots, squeezing, and many antibiotics and pain killers, the infection is gone for right now. This very much terrified me because I thought it was over, however, this disease it never really "over." I would appreciate prayers for my knee and my chest as many things still need to be figured out.
I can honestly say my Sophomore year has probably been my hardest year. There's many things to figure out and school work seems to have gotten a lot harder then my Freshman year. At times, I've felt so stressed out that I wanted to drop everything and quit (pretty normal for college I guess). However, I'm still here and I'm still getting my education WOOT WOOT. Personally, I have things that still need worked through in my mind and I think the summer can be either a very good or bad opportunity to do that. I pray that this summer I will be able to connect more with my church in Noblesville, possibly lead a bible study, and spend some much needed time to think and get myself on the right track.
The thing I think I am learning the most is Community. My community is something amazing here at Purdue. I don't know what I would have done and where I would be if I wasn't in Cru. I encourage everyone to get involved as it truly changed my life. Here at Purdue, the most loyal, faithful, encouraging, and dedicated people I have are within my ministry. The staff we have our some of the best people I've ever gotten the chance to learn from, talk with, and be encouraged by. They aren't just your staff, they are your family. I would take a hit for each one of them in a heartbeat. They have done incredible things within our ministry and within my own life that I can't even begin to thank them for. The brothers and sister I have met within Cru are equally as amazing. When your walk with the Lord isn't going well, you can count on anyone to encourage you and be honest with you. That is something that many of my friends in the past failed to show me and so having these people now is very important for me. I learn more and more about what it takes to be in community each day and I am blessed to be surrounded by an amazing one.
Now my community is pretty awesome, but there is a lot of learning I need to do in order to really contribute to this community. Personally, I am someone who very much sticks to myself about any problem I might have. I have just a couple people I can comfortably talk with. However, God calls us to talk to our community and bear burdens for one another, which is probably the biggest thing I am learning this year. It's easy to say, but doing it is a completely different story.
This year, I've had an AMAZING oportunity to be in an Action group (a group that meets each week to study the word) and our topic is community. Ironic, right? But right now we have been reading a book called "Life in Community" by Dustin Willis. It definitely has not been all fun and games. There are many things I've been convicted of. I want to share with you guys 3 things that this book has been teaching me this semester that I think could be very useful to you guys as well. Also, there are SOOO many more things that I've learned but these are the big ones. I really strongly, encourage you to read it. Let me know if you want to borrow my copy (:
(1) NO MASKS ALLOWED: If any of my action group is reading this they know this is the one that hit me the most. It's like it was written for me. Mostly this chapter talks about how life in Community doesn't mean that we share the good things and hide the bad. That's something that I do SO often as well as many others. When anyone asks how your day's going, mostly we just say "fine" or make up some bull crap that's the complete opposite from the truth. The deep root of this is often fear: of being judged, if this person cares, not wanting to be a downer, etc. There are SOOO many reasons we do this. But this chapter explains the benefits of actually telling the truth about how we feel and what we go through. (1) it allows people to know you (people won't really know you but the caricature that you create), (2) it allows people to love you (whenever someone attempts to show you love, you believe the person is merely loving the mask and not really loving you), (3) it allows people to REALLY pray for you (they can pray specific prayers, not just general ones), and (4) it allows people to help you (others bear our burdens--> Galations 6:2) All these things are scary for me, and I'm not saying that I am good at any of these things. But there are things that I need to keep trying at. The chapters explains a lot about Adam and Eve and how there first response is to cover themselves and hide with a fig tree. Why? Because they are shameful. Just like us. And this story shows us that the first couple to sin had the same response as us. We are ashamed by our inability to do what we know is right.
(2) GLUE TO THE GOOD: First and foremost, this is my new motto for this year. Last year was "Lead an Interrupted Life." I think "Glue to the Good" will be this years. This chapter talks a lot about judgement and how we tend to see the bad before we see the good in others, in ourselves, in situations, etc. But this motto tells us to always glue to the good whether you can see it or not. It raises up questions like, "When you've seen a huge transformation in someone walking with the Lord, have you verbally acknowledged it to them?" I always tend to stay quite, but do you know how encouraging it is to the other person? SO ENCOURAGING!! SO TELL THEM! The chapter also talked about complimenting vs. encouraging. Honestly, before I read this book I didn't know the difference. It's interesting how a change of words can really encourage the other person in more ways than a compliment. Now when I say something, I ask myself if it is a compliment or an encouragement, and rephrase if it's not what I mean.
(3) DOING YOUR BEST AT THE TABLE: This chapter was a very interesting one to read. Throughout it, the author uses an analogy of a dinner table; a pot luck dinner and each one of us needed to bring something to contribute. We aren't going to bring our worst dish to this dinner, we are going to bring our best. This is exactly like community. We all have our strengths and weakness's, our gifts. It's important to be able to recognize your own gifts and use them to glorify God. For me, I am still searching for my gift, as are many. But it was so good to be aware that each person has one and one isn't better then the other. Many times I walk in a church and think, "wow I wish I could pray like that" or "Man, she is a really good at explaining these things." We compare ourselves to one another when we all have different unique gifts. I am learning how to accept that and search for my own so that I can serve my community better.
As you can tell, there are so many things I am learning, so many has things I am facing, and so many people who have changed my life. I really encourage anyone reading this to get involved in community and ministry. It's the best thing that has ever happened to me.
"Take this fainted heart, take these tainted hands,
Wash me in your love, come like grace again,
Even when my strength is lost, I'll praise you,
Even when I have no song, I'll praise you,
Even when it's hard to find the words, Louder then I'll sing your praise."
"Even if it hurts" by Francesca Battistelli
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